Hope you all have settled into the routine of 2012. Honestly as I age, every year seems just as another year, sounds cheerless? hmm…I get conflicted by the dualities in life (or that is life?), to me it gets SO unbearable and confusing – all cheering and happy one day, then in deep slump the next day, people saying that you are successful if you play along with their rules, else a loser if you tune your own music, a person blessed with wealth is unhappy, but a person who has very little can simply brighten your day with his/her smile, many such.
I am not able to shut my eyes to these conflicts and that gives only agitation. The inner agitation is not dying down by itself.When we search answers for our fears, conflicts, anger, we are laid with lot of paths to choose from, to start our journey in consciousness.
Some paths based on old belief system and some the new age ones.Choosing the right path becomes an arduous task, which path is the right path, where is the destination, how does it look like and no path give a detailed map to the destination. Do we have to define our milestones or simply sink in the very moment?.
Whichever be the path we choose, it has to be the path with heart.A path towards awareness with an openness to change, acceptance and love. Hope you all find your path this year and may your consciousness shine bright and give light.
* – Title inspired by Jack Kornfield’s “A path with heart”.
A typical Monday at work, don’t know what to do.Honestly, am not interested in anything.I am bored and restless because of the rut life I am into. To me, not knowing what to do at work is far more discomforting than not knowing what to do in LIFE.
A “regular” (dull) Monday is far more excruciating than any other days; the reason being, the high amount of drama that goes in reaching office on a Monday morning after being languid for whole 48 hours.I start my sulking by late Sunday evening and get depressed for staying inside the building behind a desk for 8 long hours the next day.After snoozing the alarm for about 17 times, finally getting time to shower, for breakfast, then cursing the traffic and reaching the desk on time; you see the general “rush” feeling on a Monday is something I abhor.
I start the day by browsing the news, scan my work and personal emails in all different accounts with drowsy eyes and by 9.00 am I get restless because there is nothing “exciting”.I like to attend only to urgent things on a Monday morning.Anything that is not on a fire can wait, at least there should be some pressing need to deserve the Monday drama…
My stomach would show that its ready for lunch by making rumbling noises around 10.30 am.But I cannot go its still breakfast time, people would still be standing in line to get their morning muffins !!.So to kill my time, I try to remember every little details of my weekend and wonder how exciting it was, yet by doing nothing and day-dream about me becoming one chirpy woman who make my life by following my “passion”…and then the inevitable question that my sane mind never fails to ask, “what is your passion ?”….
Then once again I would become the victim of my urge to check for any personal email, which can pop up any moment is my justification.So I check my emails one more time with the hope of reading an email from an old friend, but as expected only junk and bill remainders.Then I would go to the newly discovered complete narcissistic land called “Facebook”, at least there everybody has something exciting to say like “I like Deepika Padukone” and you can to see the “happening life” of your friends in pictures.The moment self-pity crawls in, I would log off and go for an early lunch by 11.15 am.
By late afternoon, am very much in terms with Monday and my life – oh, that same sane mind (again !!) would do its trick by reminding me the national unemployment average and how I should be grateful to have this job.I get life-changing questions on a Monday like “Am I going to be behind this desk for all my life ? “, “is this my true calling ?”, “am I passionate about what I am doing ?”; I postpone to find answers to those questions the next Monday.
Whenever I ask “How are you” to my colleague on a Monday, who is close to his retirement always says “After all its Monday”.Now I get it .
In 2 more days we will say goodbye to 2010.I started the year with rejuvenated hope. Is the hope still with me? , I doubt it. That is life, testing your hope and faith by all means. If I have to traverse through the months of 2010 once again, I would be fearful to encounter certain moments and would wish to time-freeze certain moments.
I am grateful for 2010 for one lesson it taught me. It taught me what is important and what matters most in life. If you ask me what it is…it is actually NOTHING. To live in the moment and to breathe consciously every time is important.Anything we gain or lose in between two breaths holds zero value.Being alive to take the next breath holds an intangible value.A very well-known tenet of life,but is forgotten when we rejoice over the victory of our ego and when we cry for having an imperfect life.
A brutal fact that I was forced to remember in the month of September 2010 when 2 of my beloved family members simply disappeared in air. For coming years, the exact date, the time and the events would remind me the lesson – to simply let go of emotions and things that do not hold any significance in a larger picture.
Again, I am starting 2011 with new renewed hope and sure life will test me again and I will fall, have bruises but again I will be born with new light and new lesson to embark a whole new journey from within…
To all my lovely readers – My wishes and May peace stay with you forever. What is your lesson…Would you like to share?
The obligated resolutions ,yes I am taking one this year too – will not “chat” in cellphone while driving.No blue-tooth,no hands -free nothing.
Have you seen this insurance ad.The kid asked to ride her bicycle in a space barely bigger than her cycle.It is funny.
How much space do we get in our life.At times, I do feel that I am duped like that little girl.I look bewildered in need of more space and more movement.The soul within us begs to set it free.It wants to wander across mountains,deep oceans.It wants to travel like a gypsy beyond the geographical boundaries to get the feel of freedom.It weeps silently wanting to follow its passion without any fear of the future.Sometimes, it simply wants to stop right there and be idle.It doesn’t want to move any forward.Other times,it pleads to voice strong opinions.
But in reality,we can function only within the confined space of our family, our culture, the country we make it as our “home”, the laws (the immigration rules for immigrants !), our relationships, our abilities, our knowledge,our religion, our commitments.
These invisible strings make people to stay in jobs that they don’t like, tolerate unhealthy relationships,endure lonely turbulence within but simply carry on for the sake of the outside world.Oh poor soul, how do I set you free with no physical dimensions and boundaries.
Am I making sense.NO?.Never mind !!…
Hey do catch this ad.The boy looks cute,ha his face expression is priceless!!!
And have you watched the movie …”Into the wild”…if not,please please do.It is deep, intense and serious but quite an experience.
Iniyaal’s Art,Beauty and Society is one of the blogs that I follow very regularly for her wonderful crafty posts.Also,one other important thing that attracts me to her blog is – I am guessing she is from, somewhere close to my native town. Pollachi ?..I love her “Country Side” posts for the kind of familiarity I share.So,when I came to know about The Key Bunch’s – September Blog Carnival: Say it with flowers na! event through her ,thought I will take it up. And “The Key Bunch” already added to my list of design blogs “to visit” very often!
I remember vividly the day we moved in to the house where my parents are living right now.The huge empty front yard with black soil became my mother’s playground for the next few years that followed.She would stop at every nursery she came across and wanted all kinds of plants and trees around her.Her green thumb was tested many times and that did not dither her in any way.Finally,she was successful in turning the empty yard in to a blossoming ground of variety of flowers and fruits.
But the sad part being after 18 years or so, with the expansion of the house and for all other reasons the big front yard has shrunk to a very little space.But this one little plant has resiliently survived all changes and time.It is the Pavalamalli plant (Night Flowering Jasmine).
I am emotionally connected to this plant,though I have never tended it.I feel it talks to me whenever I go near the plant.It says something to me through its strong pungent smell.
The flowers don’t wait for the sun,they blossom at the dusk and thus the name “Night-Flowering Jasmine”.The smell of the flowers is so strong that either one would hate it or love it…When I was in my school/college, on every Saturday morning, I remember collecting the flowers patiently one by one from the ground for making one big garland along with my grand mother.We both being the unsuspecting devotees at that time,would take the garland to the near by temple.It was more like a bonding time with my grand mother….
I am very much overwhelmed by the impact of “time”.I am noticing that, I have very little around me to remind my childhood and the care free days – all withering to become only part of my memory.As time induces constant change in our life we lose some and gain some.And I hope the fragrance of pavalamalli lingers for a long time…
Roses in the garden…
Fresh shenbagam and Pavalamalli
Zillion thoughts emerge within the flash of a second. Some are realizations about self, some are about others. Few help to take a deep dive further within the thoughts and out of which would spring another million thoughts. Some are more profound, some are as trivial as a mustard. The profound thoughts would further take you on an intellectual journey– a voyage to a celestial destination. Marveled at the serendipity – search begins and you search further within and finally end up in the labyrinth of thoughts with no escape…..
1. To win love:
Bonding time with my niece.We have plans to go to the Beasant Nagar beach,to build castles in the sand,to read stories,to eat ice-creams daily,to solve puzzles and most importantly to break the rules set by my sister.She is still working on the list.When I asked her what she want,she said “get whatever you like “..aww.I don’t want her to grow up this fast and I simply expected her to give me the list of things like pink pencil box,pink dress,pink bag.Also,make her understand that I am part of her family and I am not D-O-R-A.
2.To win a (foreseeing) war:
About 2 months back, I was reading about the process of making pattu sarees.”Be kind to all the living creatures” (!?) being the prime motto of my life – decided to give-up silk sarees and announced my decision to all the family members (now in the blog) through phone, email, orkut, facebook etc etc.Now,to test my determination, have a major family wedding and mother is not approving any of my “other” suggested options.A typical South Indian wedding without pattu saree and all the bling bling is a complete no-no.Life full of challenges,I say
3.Make less damage:
Have 2 brats waiting for me.A Pomeranian and a lab.I also like to believe that they do miss me but my mother swears that she never saw any signs like that(?).Me being deprived of everything about dogs their touch,licks,noise,the joy and the trouble they bring, I am simply ready to indulge them to any extent beyond imagination.Which means a riot inside the house.While we are in the topic about dogs ,I once landed on her blog and I am greatly impressed by her work.Dog lovers,please take a look…
So,as I will be away for a while winning love and a war,you all enjoy life and promise that you will not forget me.Catch you all soon..
1. To make perfect Kathirikka puli kolambu (brinjal gravy with tamarind water) which was OK (my cooking skills for another post)
2. Was playing with GIMP and my point and shoot…got this what do you say ?
Sunday,Pittsburgh downtown.Temperature was around 20 F.It was a cloudy winter evening.As I started feeling that urge to empty my bowl and also to get myself warm ,I had to step inside the first spotted Starbucks.Ordered my usual “extra hot” caramel macchiato and settled close to the big windows that were facing the street.
I noticed the attention-seeking teens giggling at one table ,then a lady with her earphones glued to the ears ,her eyes and neatly manicured hands playing with her iPhone.A man reading a book,the boys and girls at the counter helping the incoming customers.All minds were engrossed in their own way and finally I resigned to my world by simply drifting myself to watch the actions that unfolded in front of my eyes.
The entire coffee shop was awakened in to awareness by a loud knock …one more loud knock…by this time..all others turned towards the direction of the noise for a quick look and were back to their own world.I heard the yelling..”anyone inside”…one more knock on the restroom doors… no one answered..but the boy at the counter yelled back “the door is locked”.”Oh ya,I was last person who used the rest room,I locked it and the keys are with that boy”,I thought to myself.
The woman in thick coat,muddy boots,frizzy hair pouted.I don’t think if any one else had an eye contact with her, except me.I read her vulnerability through her doleful eyes,sipping my macchiato.She slowly dragged her overweight body and reached to an old man waiting outside the store,he looked equally fragile.Through the window I saw them waiting at the cross walk for the lights to turn green,holding hands together.
Another Starbucks, same caramel macchiato-when I sipped the next time,it didn’t feel right.I tasted again to check the sugar,caramel – everything was perfect.It just didn’t give me the warmth and I could not stop thinking about my folly of not helping the old woman to use the rest room.I simply could have made an extra purchase that day and should have got her the restroom keys.
Wish, I don’t miss my future opportunities….